One Week

This past week a Facebook friend sent me some money so I was able to stay in a motel for one week. It was great sleeping in a bed again. My ankle and legs were swollen. I really needed that week of sleeping properly. Some days I didn't even get out of the bed.

Starting today, I'm back sleeping in my car. I'm waiting to hear back from Target to see when I start work as holiday help. I sure wish they call soon. The sooner I start, the sooner I get a check.

What has surprised me is how many men feel that it's ok for women to struggle. There were times back in the day when a man would bend over backwards to help a woman in need. Those times are long gone now. The generation of my mom and dad have drastically changed society for the worst. They don't help nobody. They are so self-absorbed with getting what they can get and using folks for what they could get out of them and they passed it down to their children. I don't feel this way only because I'm going through struggles but I've felt this way for quite some time.

Our society is so ass backwards now that it's going to take a miracle from God to turn it around. I am happy that all of this is not making me become as heartless as they are.

PGA MEMBER

Yesterday I received my PGA membership packet in the mail. It was so surreal. It's hard to really enjoy good things when so many bad things are going on. But it was still exciting. I got a few DVD screenings in the packet. That was so cool. I don't know about other folks but I tend to eat more the broker I am. It's so weird. When I don't have to worry about buying food, I can fast for 3 days hahaha.

Sleeping in the car last night was a little better because I discovered the phone game, Word Mole and I played it til I fell asleep, so it made the night go by quicker. This has been the longest week ever.

Homeless Days

Last night was the 3rd night I slept in my car. One night I slept in one of my buddies music studios. As of October 9, 2010, I officially became homeless. I arrived back in Los Angeles at 8:45am. My dear sweet sister gave me $250.00 and my other family members gave me $60.00. After paying for a new postal box address and paying storage fees and miscellaneous/food items. I was down to little of nothing again with no funds coming in for a few weeks. I do get unemployment but I'm down to the last $19 check and hope and pray that they give me an extension.

The first night was weird. I slept on the street where I'd stayed in the motel, a familiar area. To climb into the back part of my hatchback to sleep through the night brought such a blank feeling. Here I am trying to turn my life around and one year after graduating college, I'm officially homeless with nowhere to go.

The second night I thought to myself, if this is what I have to do to try to make it work, then so be it. At least I have a vehicle that I can sleep in. I don't have to go to the shelters which have such bad reputations. I parked on a dark street near the college campus.

The third night I slept on the floor on a futon of a buddies music studio. It felt good to have a roof over my head even if it was a real apartment.

Last night was about the same as the first two nights. This time I parked on a street not too far from the motel, a side street that was more quiet. I'll probably go back there tonight.

My family all think that I'm staying back at the motel. I just can't tell them the truth because I don't want my middle sister worrying about me. She has done so much for the family already and it's not her job to take care of me. So I can't tell her. But she is going to be very, very upset with me. SO ALL OF THIS IS A SECRET. I choose to write so that I don't ever forget what I'm going through right now.

I get up and go to a 24 hour restaurant and use the restroom or go to the student union at the school campus. When it gets to the point where I need to shower, I'll get a one nighter somewhere to clean.

The rest of the day, I go to the library to work on writing my feature films. I'm so eager to get them completed. I still have a lot of work to do. I'm taking my time but be dedicated because I want them to be good.

My little niece called to talk to me yesterday. I felt so sad. She said, "You left me." It brought tears to my eyes. We had gotten closer when I went home in August. She is such a beautiful flower.

That's all for tonight. I have a job interview on Friday at Target. I sure hope I get the job. I'll let you know.