One Week

This past week a Facebook friend sent me some money so I was able to stay in a motel for one week. It was great sleeping in a bed again. My ankle and legs were swollen. I really needed that week of sleeping properly. Some days I didn't even get out of the bed.

Starting today, I'm back sleeping in my car. I'm waiting to hear back from Target to see when I start work as holiday help. I sure wish they call soon. The sooner I start, the sooner I get a check.

What has surprised me is how many men feel that it's ok for women to struggle. There were times back in the day when a man would bend over backwards to help a woman in need. Those times are long gone now. The generation of my mom and dad have drastically changed society for the worst. They don't help nobody. They are so self-absorbed with getting what they can get and using folks for what they could get out of them and they passed it down to their children. I don't feel this way only because I'm going through struggles but I've felt this way for quite some time.

Our society is so ass backwards now that it's going to take a miracle from God to turn it around. I am happy that all of this is not making me become as heartless as they are.

PGA MEMBER

Yesterday I received my PGA membership packet in the mail. It was so surreal. It's hard to really enjoy good things when so many bad things are going on. But it was still exciting. I got a few DVD screenings in the packet. That was so cool. I don't know about other folks but I tend to eat more the broker I am. It's so weird. When I don't have to worry about buying food, I can fast for 3 days hahaha.

Sleeping in the car last night was a little better because I discovered the phone game, Word Mole and I played it til I fell asleep, so it made the night go by quicker. This has been the longest week ever.

Homeless Days

Last night was the 3rd night I slept in my car. One night I slept in one of my buddies music studios. As of October 9, 2010, I officially became homeless. I arrived back in Los Angeles at 8:45am. My dear sweet sister gave me $250.00 and my other family members gave me $60.00. After paying for a new postal box address and paying storage fees and miscellaneous/food items. I was down to little of nothing again with no funds coming in for a few weeks. I do get unemployment but I'm down to the last $19 check and hope and pray that they give me an extension.

The first night was weird. I slept on the street where I'd stayed in the motel, a familiar area. To climb into the back part of my hatchback to sleep through the night brought such a blank feeling. Here I am trying to turn my life around and one year after graduating college, I'm officially homeless with nowhere to go.

The second night I thought to myself, if this is what I have to do to try to make it work, then so be it. At least I have a vehicle that I can sleep in. I don't have to go to the shelters which have such bad reputations. I parked on a dark street near the college campus.

The third night I slept on the floor on a futon of a buddies music studio. It felt good to have a roof over my head even if it was a real apartment.

Last night was about the same as the first two nights. This time I parked on a street not too far from the motel, a side street that was more quiet. I'll probably go back there tonight.

My family all think that I'm staying back at the motel. I just can't tell them the truth because I don't want my middle sister worrying about me. She has done so much for the family already and it's not her job to take care of me. So I can't tell her. But she is going to be very, very upset with me. SO ALL OF THIS IS A SECRET. I choose to write so that I don't ever forget what I'm going through right now.

I get up and go to a 24 hour restaurant and use the restroom or go to the student union at the school campus. When it gets to the point where I need to shower, I'll get a one nighter somewhere to clean.

The rest of the day, I go to the library to work on writing my feature films. I'm so eager to get them completed. I still have a lot of work to do. I'm taking my time but be dedicated because I want them to be good.

My little niece called to talk to me yesterday. I felt so sad. She said, "You left me." It brought tears to my eyes. We had gotten closer when I went home in August. She is such a beautiful flower.

That's all for tonight. I have a job interview on Friday at Target. I sure hope I get the job. I'll let you know.

JUST GET OUT OF THE HOUSE

As I was trying to be lazy today, God pushed me out of bed. So I went and got some icecream before sitting down to log online. Then I saw the profile of this man's face and recognized him. I stopped him and it was a long time client/friend of mine. If I had not gotten out of the house, I would have missed a blessing.

My friend now writes for a show on Fox and has invited me down to the show to meet the directors once I told him I'd graduated and now direct. There was no hesitation in his thoughts. I was renewed once again in the kindness of people. To know that he wanted to help me after I had helped him in the past was refreshing and brought tears to my eyes.

You never know what God has in store for you but you must hear his voice and obey. Get out of the house and be around other people. God bless.

Change Is Coming

I sat and wrote some spec scripts for a particular show on Saturday. I got a good response on them. It really felt good to know that others could appreciate and see my talents. I'm so excited. I've always been a person of words. I love words. It saddens me that so many people totally ignore vocabulary words these days. Slang is cute at times but do you really think people speak that way in corporate America...nope.

I must come up with a way to help bring back WORDS...Vocabulary words. I use to sit and read the dictionary as a child to learn more words. I had a high school teacher who also loved words. We were best friends. I miss her much.

In conclusion, when we learn to change our words, our thoughts and dreams for better vocabulary words - change is coming. Many people believe you can speak things into existence. How can you do that if your words are not recognizable. Be blessed.

Love Yourself On This Valentine's Day!

I'm so glad that through all the pains and disappointments in my life, one thing has always remained true - I love myself. Don't get me wrong, I wish I was thinner right now and my hair was back at its normal length but I still overall love who I am as a person, a human being.

I'm sitting here writing sample specs to a show on this lover's day and I am loving what I'm writing lol. I'm so glad that I have many different avenues that I can take to reach my destiny. I thank God for that. All employers want their employees to be multi-taskers lol. So I'm happy that I can write, produce, direct, even edit. In this industry, it helps to be a person of many talents.

I encourage you to love yourself, just as God loves you. People treat you how you treat yourself. If you don't love you - how can you expect others to. Search your heart and soul to find what makes you love you.

Just Keep Going

I had a rough few weeks but I know to just keep going. This economy is bad right now but I feel that God doesn't have a bad economy. I have the nerve to believe that I am supposed to be exempt from this lol. I do. I know deep in my heart that my prayers will be answered soon so I'm just gonna keep going. We all must keep going because one day we will laugh at this time in our lives.

I did more cold calls this week and sent emails. I actually got a call back on one of the projects but it was only her saying that she received my resume but they were all staffed up. I was so mad lol. I was thinking - I don't need a phone call for you to say you got my resume...only for you to say I'm hired. lol But it was nice of her to call I guess.

May God be with you all.

GOOD & BAD AT THE SAME TIME

I had some people come through for me on the letters of recommendation so I'm so excited about that. The Rodney Perry Show will air 3 episodes on the promotional flatscreens in Roscoe's Chicken & Waffles so I'm excited about that. I got fired from a temp job today so I'm not so excited about that...lol Wow, it amazes me how good and bad can manifest at the same time. Truth is - I needed the money but fact is - it wasn't enough money and I hated that job. So everything happens for a reason right.

Good thing is - I lost one pants size so far. Bad thing is - I missed a few days of exercising last week lol. But I'm gonna make it up this weekend. Good thing is - I can workout every morning now. Bad thing is - I have no job. Good thing is - I know God will provide as he has always done. Bad thing is - I don't know the plan lol.

I just want you all to know when good and bad happens at the same time. Lean more on the good things and you will find yourself laughing at the bad. Good always outweigh the bad. We must continue to be strong and prosper. God Bless.

NOT GONNA STOP

I'm still job-hunting for a job in my field. Though I'm blessed by getting temp assignments - I'm not gonna give up on my dream. Never! I re-edited my resume this week and I'll see how this one does. I know God is on my side because I'm still in sunny Southern California and not sleeping in my car. I did some more cold calls to production companies again this week and they told me to call back again in about a month or so. I'm editing my director's reel next week so I can have that ready as well.

So many folks, sad as it is, want to see people give up. Well they can keep wishing and watching but I'm not gonna stop. I know I was born to do this and I'm good at it. I won't quit until I breathe my last breath. Stay strong my people and never give up no matter what.

MOTIVATE YOURSELF

I need two letters of recommendations for a fellowship and the folks whom I thought would step up immediately - haven't. I'm actually shocked. I don't know why but I thought when you claim to support and help others - you do, with no questions asked. This has shifted my mood this week. It was a long one for me. I know folks have the right to do and think as they please. So this also makes me say to myself - everything happens for a reason. I also know that if this is for me - then it is for me. I guess I have more hope in folks than most. I mean I at least try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt.

So this week I have had a rough time of motivating myself. But just today I had someone to call me and give me a boost of motivation. When things aren't going the way we think they should sometimes we have to stop, think, and analyze the situations. This is what I've had to do this week. In doing so, I've found some juice to keep working hard at what I want out of life. I have been re-energized this Friday.

I thank God for allowing me to realize that he does have a plan for my life and I must be patient and continue working hard. So shall it be written, so shall it be done. Amen.

SECRET HATERS

I learned a lot this week about secret haters. These are the people that proclaim to be on your side i.e. friends, family, loved ones - who, if you let them keep talking, you will realize that they hate on you. I just thought of Jill Scott's song - Hate On Me - as I typed that statement. It is so amazing to me how people are so envious, jealous and evil to people they pretend to like. It shocks me everytime because I'm not built of that cloth.

I have to go back to my grandmother's words of wisdom - don't let folks know what you are doing cause they are going to try to stop you from reaching your goal. Now don't get me wrong - what's for you is for you or rather what's for me is for me. There are folks who will try to get you off track because their life is not where they want it to be. So their challenge is to get you to be angry, gossip, or procrastinate from your mission. You must be alert.

I am so happy that I have realized this early on. I have been listening to folks lately who in their talk are just negative and unhappy. I don't even think they really realize it themselves. But I have.

My advice today - beware of secret haters. Start listening more carefully to words of others and it will be revealed. The truth shall come to the light. God Bless.

DO IT YOURSELF

So sorry I've been behind on my blogs. I have a time getting to the internet during the day and don't have it at home anymore. But during the weeks I've been gone, I'd been pondering about why it's so hard for me to find folks that want to be a part of my team. As I was sitting here, God told me why are you looking for folks to do the things that you can do yourself. I lightbulb came on again (lol). I can do the tasks myself. It will just take a little longer for me to finish but at least with me doing it, I will know that it will be done correctly. So I'm reorganizing my time schedule to allocate me the time to do it myself.

I'm so excited about my new project - a sports talk show. I can' wait for the world to see it. It's going to be fun and informative.

So do it yourself, is my encouragement for this month. Stop looking around for others and do what you know to do. Do it yourself will keep your skills sharpened and mind alert. God Bless.

New Script

This week while on a temp job, they didn't allow me to bring my laptop. So I brought my word finder book to do during the down time. After I got tired of doing that, I pulled out my notebook and wrote the opening scene of my autobiographical film. I was so happy with what I wrote. The idea came to me almost 5 years ago. It's now time to finish this script. Beginning to write this one has helped me to stay motivated to finish my current one, drama/suspense.

I must push harder to get these words on the page. I have a feeling God is waiting on me to finish writing these scripts...lol. We always say when things get better in our lives, we will do this or that. But what I've come to realize this week is - this is it. Time is passing while we are waiting for the better when what should be doing just might make things better. Meaning, me writing these scripts during my hard times right now just may be my way out of hard times. So I must be diligent and get them done. The time is now - right now.

I have given myself a deadline to finish at least the 1st draft by the end of January. I'm going to do it. I have no choice. Each day that I watch movies and analyze the script, I know I can hang with what I see. I'm going to direct my own film, feature length, one day soon.

I encourage and challenge you to finish your script by Feb. 1st and see how God will open up the doors from heaven and pour us out a blessing.

9 to 5 Is Not For Me

I guess everything happens for a reason. I've been temping lately as most of you know and one thing that is still very clear to me - I'm not cut out for a 9 to 5 job. There are some things that we must be truthful about...I am made to run my own business lol.

I guess that's why I fit in the entertainment mold. I can work 18 hours on a set and never complain; then, I can work for 8 hours on a job and be so miserable all day long lol. I'm happy that I am pursuing the passion in my heart that God has bestowed upon me because when the day comes that I can do my television and film projects full time, I will know how blessed I truly am in this world.

I encourage to find that thing in your soul, your passion - where you don't care to look at the clock because you enjoy what you do.

TIME DOESN'T STOP

Today I realized that one week in the new year is almost gone. Time waits for no one. No matter what we do or don't do - time keeps a ticking. It made me think again about how precious my time is. I have monitored my time for each hour of the day. By the end of the day, I analyze what I did. If I haven't done anything toward my goals and my destiny, then it was just a wasted day that someone else whose 6 feet under might have been happy to have.

As long as I do something toward my goals each, guess what? I will eventually accomplish them. If you brush your teeth for 2 to 3 minutes a day, you increase the time of preserving your own teeth. If you wash your face for one minute a day with skin care products, your skin will look better. If you type one page of a script each day, you will finish your script in 120 days. These are just small examples of what just a little of your time during the day will accomplish.

What are you doing with your time each hour of the day? Is any of it utilized for the betterment of your future, your life, your legacy? I hope so.

Networking

Today I met a new producer from a craigslist ad. I admit I was impressed because this guy had a plan, a vision and a solution. He was very nice and professional. I was just happy to see someone going after their dreams 100% with no fear in his heart. He was dedicated to his plans.

I'm going out more this month to network and meet new people. So that the more I network, the closer I get to meeting people like me - who want to make it in this industry. So many times in the past during networking, I've met folks who claim they want to succeed in the entertainment industry but have envy and jealousy in their heart, and I guess they think others can't see it. So that person never followed through with what they proclaimed they could do.

Though I've had a few setbacks with people I've met by networking, I'm not going to let that stop me from doing what this business is based on. Networking is very key in many industries and I intend to continue to go out and meet new and fresh people. I hope that they people who have networked with me have in some way benefited by meeting me.

BE YOU!

After taking off my wig as of January 1, I must admit day 2 was terribly difficult. Now I'm here at day 5 I feel like me again. On facebook so many men bash women about weight, hair and money; but, one thing that stood out for me was the hair. I thought about how women love for our hair to look good and so do men. I mean my brother is in the barber shop more than me lol. But as for me, I don't like the shape of my head lol. So I feel like should length hair looks best on me. When my hair fell out due to a bad box perm I started wearing wigs because I was depressed and felt ugly.

This past week I realized that most men are hung up about women and fake hair. I realized that I have been single for a long time. Now in past couple of years, I've had men flirt with me at school and stuff but that was with my natural hair. Not long ago I went out with a male friend to the movies, I could tell that he was embarrassed by my wig. When I got home I realized how stupid I looked...really I did. Though some wigs looked better on me than others, this is why I vowed to be me in 2010.

Since my hair has had situations and I have to sport short hair - then so be it. I'm not hiding who I am anymore. We tend to like to cover up our errors and faults just to pretend to be someone else. Well this hair revelation has been a huge one for me. Truth of the matter is, I'm still cute hahahhaha well to me anyways. When I was in line at the 99 cents store after looking for a new calendar, this man and I was talking about how we didn't want to buy a calendar with a cat on it. Then he did the look... you know... the oh she's kinda cute look. I just smiled and laughed harder at myself outside because I didn't even have on my wig. So going without a wig is now easier than I thought. It's just more time and work on my natural hair...ugh lol.

Now all this ties in with being who you are at all times. We forget that God made us perfect in his image and when we complain about how we look, how we are shaped and other complaints of that nature - we are insulting God. So I'm not going to slap God in the face anymore with my nagging complaints. I'm going to be me and be happy. Are you?

They That Wait!

I'm inspired today by Fred Hammond's new song with John P. Kee - They That Wait. In this quest to find a new job since graduating has been a trying one. But I must admit God has kept me in his care. I have no family to live with in L.A. I've been motel hopping since September; but I'm still here. I thank God I haven't had to sleep in my car during my permanent job-hunting days. I've been blessed to have temporary jobs to pay my weekly motel fees, my car insurance, my cellphone bills. I have truly been blessed. And I intend to keep waiting on the Lord. For they that wait upon the Lord... Hallelujah!

Every since I was a little girl that has been one of the main bible verses that has been embedded in my mind. In actuality, what I've learned is God is actually waiting on us. He's waiting on us to get off our butts and put in the work. Once I stopped crying and got up off the floor and enrolled back in college, God has been guiding my steps. I know it was him because this path has been a rough one and he has helped me to overcome some generational curses. All of my family was in shock when I went back to college and quit all of my jobs. You know what? I don't regret one minute of it. Soon after I went back I won 2 scholarships. I was the first to win the Coca-Cola foundation scholarship at my school. No one there had even heard of it. I then went on to win my 1st Telly Award for a school departmental commercial that I wrote and directed. Then, when I was near graduation at Houston Community College, I received a letter stating that I had won 2 more scholarships. I returned them because I was moving to LA. Then in my last semester of college at CSULA, I won 2 more scholarships. God was moving in my favor and I had no worries.

So now that I'm finished with a degree in TV, Film & Media Studies, I will continue to work so that God will continue to work in my favor. I'm back on the grind of exercising, writing my scripts and projects and continuing to help others. Though this time seems so long to me, I know God will come through right on time just as long as I'm doing my part.

What are you not doing that's blocking God's favor in your life? What should you be doing while you are waiting on the Lord? Are you being lazy, bitter, and evil or are you working toward your destiny, and helping others? I encourage you to work while you wait on your breakthrough. Yes, it's a hard thing to do but with God all things are possible. Trust me, I know lol. Be blessed!

Stay left-out!

I was thinking today in church as the pastor preached about folks being jealous and envious of others, of how I always use to feel left-out of the group. Just recently I realized why a certain group of folks who always left me out of activities, conversations and job referrals - even though I included them in mine - always omitted me. Well I discovered that these people are jealous and envious of my personality, skills and dedication to my destiny.

I found out when working with these groups of people that they don't know what they are doing on their particular jobs. They are faking their way through. I discovered that they all hung together. Then, it hit me. I would rather stay left-out of this group of people. I don't want to be associated with folks who don't know what they are doing. I don't want to be associated with people who are jealous and envious of others. I don't want to be associated with folks who are not honest and true.

So now I smile as I stay left-out of these folks. I like myself. I realize that God blocks us from things that we can't see or don't know what's bad for us. I thank God that I am strong enough to endure and move on toward my destiny and not feel left-out of his glory. Thank you God.

Come Out of Denial

Now this topic just hit me today as I was talking to a friend of mine who called to wish me a Happy New Year. So many of us are in denial about many things in our lives and it's time for us to be honest with ourselves. While being an avid follower on Facebook, I often get emails from people saying that they are writers, producers, and actors who want to get information from me about the entertainment business or saying that they want to work with me on a project. But a vast majority of them don't have any experience or references for the title that they claim to be. There's an old saying stating if you don't do that particular thing everyday or I'll say at least every week, then you are not what you claimed to be. If you are a writer then you should have completed scripts, books, articles or something to verify that you are a writer. The same goes for producing, acting, directing and any other profession that you profess to be.

I must come out of denial about exercising. I remember a time when I never let anything get in the way of my exercising. I use to wake up at 4am and go jogging behind the police officers who use to jog that early in the morning down MLK blvd. I had gotten in shape and hadn't even realized it until one day walking back to the parking lot from church, West Angeles, my skirt fell down to my knees. All I could do was laugh. I was still wearing the larger sized clothes because in my mind I was still overweight. I went home and looked in the mirror which I hadn't done for a year and low and behold I was 35 pounds lighter. I went for my annual check up that week and the nurse who was looking at my chart, looked up at me and said, "You've lost 35 pounds!" I couldn't believe it. I was so proud of myself. I committed to letting nothing stop me from exercising a minimum of 45 mins. a day.

Now this 2nd day of 2010, I am coming out of denial about exercising, and writing. I am going to commit to 6 days a week of exercising and writing my scripts. I have realized that I cannot work long hours on my feet as a director with this excess fat on my body. It just can't be done. I can't claim to be a writer if I don't finish the 5 scripts that are embedded in my brain. They must be on paper for others to read. So I say to myself, daaaah lol.

To my readers, what do you need to come out of denial about. What lies have you convinced yourself to believe when you know if you were hearing the same story from someone else's lips - you'd know to be untrue.

Let's come out of denial in the name of Jesus!

Vision Statement 2010

Today I took off my wig and am trying to go all natural with this short hair that stemmed from a bad box of perm about a year ago. It's very difficult for me. I'll see how long I can go. As for now, I'm sitting in an empty parking lot of a local Los Angeles County library in Culver City typing my first blog for my new blog site. I'm actually so excited about this. I must admit I got this idea from Julie & Julia, a film that I watched this week while temping at a boring law office. But I'm not complaining because it is great for me to have my rent money for the next two weeks...lol

So for 2010 I challenge you to write your VISION STATEMENT. I'm borrowing this text from one of my favorite bishops, Bishop T.D. Jakes. Vision, Purpose, & Goals... What is your vision? What is your purpose? What are your goals?

1. Vision - what do you see?

2. Purpose - why do you see it?

3. Goals - how are you going to get it?

Why are you the way you are? God has given you everything you need for what he has called you to do.

Most of my life I have been in charge of something, even when I didn't really want to be. I come from a family that talks loud and loves to laugh (loudly I might add) lol. So I get it innocently. I had nothing to do with how I was created. Many peers have hated me for it. Many people have admired me for it. Many men have been attracted to me for it.

I'm the oldest of five but there were only four at the time of my childhood. So, I have been directing and producing the lives of my siblings for years. My mother made me responsible for the well-being of three other individuals when she was not around. The oldest child has it rough. Everything is our fault whether we did it or not. All I could remember was what happened in the end, that was all that mattered. This is still how I produce and direct my projects to this day. It doesn't matter how I get there, all that matters is how it looks in the end. Will it get me in trouble or will I get a good report? Therefore, I always aim for a good report - A.

As I close I want you to think about how your childhood ties into your vision that God has embedded in you. What are you doing to reach your destiny? Think about your true vision - what makes you so happy that you would really deep down inside do it for free. For me, it's directing.